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Budget Cuts Force British Government To Shut Down Mysterious Seaside Village
The Onion - America's Finest News Source

LONDON—Officials announced this week that the country's ongoing financial crisis would necessitate the closure of a mysterious seaside village operated by the British government since 1967. "In light of the current economic downturn, it is unwise to maintain this secret locale any longer," said a man identified only as Number Two, referring to the bucolic village whose sole aim appeared to be the recovery of desirable information from former intelligence agents. "Plus, the cost of maintaining human chessboards, outdated penny- farthings, and our state-of-the-art escapee- retrieval sphere just proved too much. We would have closed this whole place down years ago had it not been for one particularly uncooperative resident." The man refused to directly answer any questions about the village, instead using surreal imagery and oblique references before ending the press conference with a quiet and ominous "Be seeing you."
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Best misheard line ever? You be the judge.

"You may become violently ill due to your future."
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It's the Nations of the World!

[ profile] ninkasa started it.

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I had to repost this. BAH hahahahahahahaha!

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"Your monitor is crappy inside. This will clean it out right away."
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From [ profile] theglen, of "Things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG" list fame, comes...

(To the tune of the Muppet Show Theme)


It's time to wake the Old Ones
It's time the stars are right
It's time to call Cthulhu
On the Lovecraft Show tonight!

It's time to worship Hastur
It's time to die of fright
All hail the King in Yellow
On the Lovecraft Show tonight!

Why do we always come here?
It costs us sanity
When cultists chant Ftaghn
Or scream Tekeli-li!

So let's summon Ithaqua!
We'll all summon Ithaqua!
Nothing rhymes with Ithaqua!
On the most mind shattering, bloodstain spattering, insane chattering, time/space tattering...
This is what we call the Lovecraft Show!!!
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How wrong is it?

It's this wrong!

The Dunwich Horror
by *Bluesrat on deviantART

A three-month art drought and this is what I come up with... You can blame this on [ profile] whiteadelphi. She inspired it.
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Because I hate leaving serious stuff lying around without some kind of amusement to ease the impact: apparently the ESRB descrip for Brutal Legend is the longest on record. "...and sub woofers can be used to kill druids and other fantastical creatures."
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You know how bread gets stale when you leave it out because the air sucks the moisture out of it. Well, lately it's been so humid that I left a package of hard cookies open overnight last night, and they actually became moister and more chewy.
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Jackass Penguins Freed After Rehab

Yes, apparently there's a penguin species out there known as the Jackass Penguin, for their characteristic donkey-like bray. Actually, they're quite cute and not alcoholics at all, despite the conclusions that National Geographic article might lead you to (for shame, Nat Geo! You should know better than to indulge in shoddy falsse reporting!).

To prove to you that I'm not making this up, here's a Wikipedia a Google Books with an entry on them! Sixth one down on page 28 of The Larger Illustrated Guide to Birds of southern Africa.

And because I know you want to know, here's a Youtube video of them. They're so cute! They just cute around for most of the video, but one gets a good call going near the end.

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I'm not sure which is more badass.

First, we've got South Park throwing down the gauntlet to Disney. EW calls it "The rather awe-inspiring season premiere of South Park" and...well, here. This pretty much shows you what's going on. Disney destroys people for doing stuff like this, and that little caveat in the copyright laws about parody being fair use seldom stops them. Trey and Matt are smart guys, though, and I suspect they know what they're getting into.

Second was Jon Stewart's ruthless annihilation of not only Jim Cramer but the illusion the financial media has built of the innocence of their conduct in shaping the financial crisis.

If any of you don't follow the Daily Show and have managed to avoid the buzz, Jon mocked the CNBC network and everybody on it a week or two ago, and the CNBC family took it personally--especially Jim Cramer of "crazy clown behavior on his financial show" and "Buy Bear Stearns!" fame. After a week of the Daily Show mocking them all for even caring what a comedy news show had to say, Cramer finally came on the Daily Show last which point Stewart did that thing he sometimes does and unleashed the devastation of serious investigative journalism.

This is why he wins Peabodies.

Also, suck on that, CNBC, and all the "real" journalists who should have released this story!
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First, the worst, purplest prose in the history of the color purple. [ profile] coaldustcanary pointed me at this, and I realized as I looked at it that I had seen this book before! Someone had brought it to a party in order to read aloud from it and entertain us all. And it really is the worst. These pages? Not even the worst in the book.

Second, a passing nod to the Great Racefail '09. For those of you who've managed to miss it (which was not me this time! I didn't participate, but I follow [ profile] matociquala's (aka author Elizabeth Bear) blog, so I saw that a couple of days after it was posted and watched the upheaval unfold from there.

My two observations on the Great Race Fail: I don't know about anybody else, but I learned a lot just from keeping my trap shut and reading. I'll have much to think on for a long time to come. And also, Stupid knows no boundaries. Neither does Smart, for that matter. They are the great equalizers, and the proof that beneath everything else, we're all human.

I was mainly interested in the topic of writing Others (aka people who aren't like you...whatever you want that to mean), because I love characters who aren't like me. I read fantasy because I want to see new and different things, but also because I like it when things I read come back to enrich my perspective on real life. If all the characters are immediately identifiable, if I don't have to learn anything about them to get to know them, then they're boring--and probably cliched. Speaking as nothing but a fan of stories, I'll say it bemuses me that this topic came up so strongly in the fantasy genre, where I'd imagined it was a matter of course to at least make an effort to get into the heads and experiences of other cultures, other genders, other lifestyles, even things like dragons and vampires and alien species. But I guess there's doing it well, and doing it half-assed, and then there's doing it for critters you've just invented and there's doing it for characters that have some grounding in real life.

I just hope people've found the whole row educational (other than the requisite flamewars), and that maybe we'll get a more diverse array of writers being published out of this. My bottom line is that you shouldn't have to put up with crap for it, but it's boring when everybody's the same.
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Oh, Onion, you've done it again.

Lovecraftian School Board Member Wants Madness Added To Curriculum

"ARKHAM, MA—Arguing that students should return to the fundamentals taught in the Pnakotic Manuscripts and the Necronomicon in order to develop the skills they need to be driven to the very edge of sanity, Arkham school board member Charles West continued to advance his pro-madness agenda at the district's monthly meeting Tuesday."
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I woke up this morning with the word "hottentots" ringing through my head. Now I'd really like to know what that was all about. It doesn't seem to have much to do with the dream I vaguely remember the alarm rousing me from.


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October 2015

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